Dear Old Dad
Father’s Day comes once each year and every year it re-raises all sorts of emotions and feelings ranging from sincere love, to unforgiving disgust, to indifference. It primarily serves the interests of businesses like Hallmark and the manufacturers’ of shirts and ties for dad.
My dad always poo-pooed days like Father’s Day and asked that instead I call him or spend time with him on any ordinary day. Being remembered because the calendar said so, diminished the sentiment for my dad.
I didn’t truly understand that years ago. I understand it today.
I imagine that most of us grew up wanting to be a part of the fairy tale, ‘Father Knows Best‘, family. That’s usually not what we got. During challenging times I sometimes imagined that things were so much better in my friend’s house, across the street. (The grass always seemed greener on the other side of the road.)
The truth is: Fathers do the best that they can do. For that alone, they deserve our gratitude and respect. We should not wait until a designated day to let them know how we feel about them. I am most fortunate to have had a great relationship with my pop.
I’m not sure if women completely understand about becoming mothers, before they give birth. I assume that ‘maternal instincts’ drive females to a higher degree and that parenthood is a very different experience for them. I remember one female friend, Lila, who was so much into being a mom that she shared that ‘she loved the aroma of a dirty diaper’. I can’t fathom any father feeling that way.
A dad’s biology and urges drive him to procreate. He is proud of his virility. But I don’t know that he really knows how his life will change as a result. As mom’s focus and energy shifts to the children, dad’s life usually suffers the loss of a lover and playmate, and is replaced with added financial responsibility and stresses. Most men initially work hard to adapt to their new lifestyle and try to please their wives and support their families. But life and it’s demands fill the roads with obstacles.
Why is the current divorce rate in the United States well over 50% for first time marriages? It is clear to me. Couples never have honest conversations about expectations . . . before they married. They are blinded and deafened by their passions. Marriage, for the most part, is the result of hormonal spikes and drives. A lasting marriage requires so much more than that.
And who says that everyone is supposed to be married?
My dad and mom were married 63+ years, ‘until death do us part’. There had to have been a whole heap of conversations and compromises during those 63+ years. They had to tune out the messages that blast out of our radios, TVs, and billboards. ‘Have it your way.’ ‘Have it NOW!’ They substituted, ‘have it OUR way’ and ‘we’ll have it if and when we can afford it.’
How do you spell father? Today I spell it L-O-V-E and I-N-S-P-I-R-A-T-I-O-N. I salute his O-P-T-I-M-I-S-M, his love of language, his G-E-N-E-R-O-U-S-I-T-Y, his H-O-N-E-S-T-Y, his C-R-E-A-T-I-V-I-T-Y, his artistic scrawl, and his D-E-V-O-T-I-O-N to mom.
Happy Fathers Day to All